I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
