i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
