it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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