You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
