I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm at about main and main street
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
