hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
is it fun? or sober?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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