I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
