Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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