Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
