if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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