ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
