I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
