is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
