i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize