How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
