The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
