you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
