having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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