there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
