We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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