and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize