i think my tv is drunk
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
