Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
