Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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