she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drake has all the answers
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize