Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
