If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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