Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
