come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
