I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
