Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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