Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
