Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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