doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
