We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
