went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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