he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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