Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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