that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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