I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
