Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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