i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
