I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
