I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
