I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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