i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
