Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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