clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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