R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
