You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
