my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
