Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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