I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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