No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
