She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
