fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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