Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
