the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
