I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
