I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
