I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
