Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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