i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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