Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
