I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
