I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
