dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
